A Twins Homer’s Guide to the World Series

If you’re anything like me, you’ve still been watching every game of the playoffs since the Twins were eliminated. There is only so much baseball left before the long, cold, hard off-season, and I’ll take anything and everything I can get. Not to mention, watching the playoffs provides me with a great excuse to stop doing law school work, lay on the couch in my Twins snuggie, and drink some beer.

I think it should be quite predictable that I was rooting for the Giants to beat the Phillies (who wants to see them again?) and the Rangers to beat the Yankees (a no-brainer). Now that I have my “dream” match up, who do I root for??

Perhaps others are having this dilemma. However, the answer became quite obvious to me with only a second or two of reflection. Below I share my thought process, which I firmly believe covers all of the relevant points a Twins fan ought to consider when deciding who to root for this year.


Rooting for the San Francisco Giants
Point: The team hasn’t won a World Series since moving to California in 1957.
Counter-Point: The Giants were supposed to move to Minneapolis, but went to California instead.

Rooting for the Texas Rangers
Point: The Texas Rangers have never won a World Series since the organization’s first season in 1961.
Counter-Point: The Senators (the replacement team who later became the Texas Rangers) beat the Twins in their first ever home game at Metropolitan Stadium in 1961.

Winner: Tie. Giants 0, Rangers 0.


Rooting for the San Francisco Giants
Point: Tim Lincecum is pretty damn likeable. How does someone who looks like such a freak throw a baseball so well?
Counter-Point: Am I taking crazy pills, or doesn’t anyone else notice Brian Wilson paints that beard on his face?

Rooting for the Texas Rangers
Point: It’d be nice for Vlad to stick it to the Angels. How about that, Torii!?
Counter-Point: The Rangers left Cristian “Guzzy” Guzman off the post-season roster.

Winner: Tie. Giants 0, Rangers 0.


Rooting for the San Fransisco Giants
Point: Every time a Giant hits a homerun, the ReLeaf Herbal Center is giving a free joint to every Giants fan at their dispensary!
Counter-Point: Pretty sure marijuana is still illegal.

Rooting for the Texas Rangers
Point: The Rangers are giving away free red pom-poms to fans attending playoff games (while the Twins, for the first time, made fans buy their Homer Hankies.)
Counter-Point: Pretty sure shaking red pom-poms at a baseball game is illegal.

Winner: Giants. Giants 1, Rangers 0.


Rooting for the San Francisco Giants
Point: The Giants managed to just barely squeak into the playoffs in the last few days of the season, which is very Minnesota Twins-esque.
Counter-Point: The Giants were not swept in the opening series, which is very un-Minnesota Twins-esque.

Rooting for the Texas Rangers
Point: The Texas Rangers are managed by Ron Washington.
Counter-Point: ….

Winner: Rangers. Giants 1, Rangers 324,325.


So yes—if it wasn’t already obvious, the only factor that really matters for the Twins Homer is that Ron Washington manages the Rangers. Not only is Ron the only ex-Twin (as far as I’m aware) involved in the World Series (my normal method of picking a team to root for in a Yankees-less series), he was Kirby Puckett’s "big-league father" and sat by Kirby’s bedside during his final hours. So how can I not be rooting for his team to win? Kind of a chimerical concept.

Go Rangers!

Cliff Lee to Twins! Er, Yankees! Reds? No wait—Rangers!

Isn’t this FUN? Aren’t you just on Google News searching for “Cliff Lee” every other minute?

What? You aren’t? Here’s a super informative time-line of the reports coming out on Cliff Lee:


July 3: Why Cliff Lee Has No Shot at Coming to The Bronx This Season

July 3, 10:10pm: Source says Minnesota Twins leading race to acquire pitcher Cliff Lee

July 6, 12:15am: Twins offer prospects Aaron Hicks and Wilson Ramos to Mariners for Cliff Lee

July 6, 5:03pm: Rangers favored to land Cliff Lee

July 7, 10:40am: Joel Sherman (NYPost): "[T]he perception in baseball is that Minnesota is the frontrunner for Lee. "

July 7, 5:53pm: Joe Christensen (StarTribune): “The Twins and Mariners have yet to exchange proposals for Lee.”

July 8, 8:12am: Cliff Lee to Twins?

July 8, 1:25pm: Baseball Source: Rangers Favorite To Land Cliff Lee

July 8, 8:05pm: Reds in early stages of negotiations for Lee

July 9, 4:01am: Joel Sherman (NYPost): Yankees on brink of trading top prospect for Cliff Lee

July 9, 8:01am: Yankees-Mariners talks about Lee may be breaking down

July 9, 9:30am: Are the Yankees About to Get Cliff Lee?

July 9, 11:32am: What if Yankees get Lee?

July 9, 11:51am: Yanks Bag Cliff Lee Under Mets and Omar Minaya's Noses

July 9, 12:59pm: Report: Lee trade to Yankees is off

July 9, 3:45pm: Joel Sherman (NYPost) Yankees won't get Cliff Lee in trade after Mariners back out

July 9, 5:01pm: Joel Sherman (NYPost) Yankees don't get Cliff Lee; Mariners trade him to Rangers


Don't you feel informed now?

You're welcome.



UPDATE:

July 9, 5:30pm: Rangers make bold move, deal for All-Star Lee

MLB.com is finally calling it!