Sunday, April 12, 2015

ALL 30 MLB TEAMS RANKED, 1st TO 30th (IMO)

In the following, I have ranked all 30 MLB teams onf how much I personally liked them as of April, 11 21 2015. These are the definitive rankings.

Without further ado:

ALL 30 MLB TEAMS RANKED, 1st TO 30th (IMO)

30. CLEVELAND INDIANS

The team that uses "Chief Wahoo" on their uniforms. Their fans boo JIM THOME--who has the most Indian home runs of all time, in addition to being the coolest ever, one of the greatest Indians of all time, and one of the greatest MLB players period of all time. So congratulations, Indians fans, you and your racist-ass have achieved WORST MLB TEAM on my personal ranking.

(Bob Feller is completely excluded from any of this. Bob Feller ruled. Objectively. Not up to debate with anyone. Period.)

29. CHICAGO CUBS

The number of African-American players who have played for this team and expressed racist treatment by fans is troubling. The only reason the Cubs aren't last is because they haven't won a World Series in 105+ years, and that is actual hysterical.

28. ATLANTA BRAVES



27. LOS ANGELES ANGELS OF ANAHEIM 

 I am so apathetic about this team I have listed it lower than teams I dislike.

I hate Josh Hamilton. He compared himself to Jesus because Twins fans heckled him. Now, the Angels have treated him so bad I think I hate the Angels more? That's how messed up this organization is.

If this team didn't have Mike Trout, they would be so SOL (even more) on my list. Trout is really cool. He was really responsive to fans when he was out in left field at Target Field.

26. BOSTON RED SOX

Mostly because of how crappy the majority of the fans are. They gloat even worse than Yankees fans did 10 years ago, and they don't even have the history to back it up. 

25. ST. LOUIS CARDINALS

Best fans in baseball.

24. TAMPA BAY RAYS

They play inside an "ugly" dome. Domes suck.... Who would ever get emotional over a dome? A DOME? Excuse me.

23. TEXAS RANGERS

I still just love that they gave A-Rod that contract back in the day.

22. HOUSTON ASTROS

 Biggio! Bagwell! Clemens! Fun team. Plus: http://howmanyaltuves.com

21. CINCINNATI REDS

 The fact they made a secret nod to Pete Rose in the stadium is cool. Otherwise, mostly apathy towards them.

20. WASHINGTON NATIONALS 

Love Wilson Ramos and Denard Span. This has been a good team. I'm mostly apathetic about this team too, sorry.

19. COLORADO ROCKIES

Obviously, this team has had Michael Cuddyer, (more importantly now) Justin Morneau, and LaTroy Hawkins. While I love all those guys, there's not much else going on here.

18. ARIZONA DIAMONDBACKS

Got some relatives out there. And it's hot. Nice stadium.

17. PITTSBURGH PIRATES

Watching the Pirates in the playoffs 2013 was freaking awesome. And Justin Morneau. Not to mention, how about that ballpark?

16. SAN FRANCISCO GIANTS 


      Be happy you made it this far, Giants, since a lot of it had to do with me having to re-number everyone after you because I completely blocked out any memory of your awful team. Also, the only reason you made it this far at all is because of the greatness of Barry Bonds.

15. SAN DIEGO PADRES

I'm not even sure why I've always kinda liked the Padres. Tony Gwynn? Maybe. Also: shout out to my Padres' friend Joe who I think is awesome.

14. BALTIMORE ORIOLES

Good team. Never go wrong with the uniforms. Cal Ripekn Jr. Awesome stadium. I dunno, just always liked them

13. MILWAUKEE BREWERS


12. DETROIT TIGERS

Despite the Tigers-Twins couple rivalries in the past decade, I never disliked this team. I'm not sure how long my sympathy for the 2003 Tigers team will run, but there is still a bit of it there to this day.

11. TORONTO BLUE JAYS

"Touch them all Joe! You'll never hit a bigger home run in your life!" This just kills me.

10. CHICAGO WHITE SOX

I came to admire and love this team in the 00's, much due to Ozzie Gullien's colorfulness and the great rivalry between my favorite team and them. I've met some great White Sox fans too, and we've had a ball at Twins games. I feel like this team is a "brother" to the Twins more than any other.

9.  OAKLAND ATHLETICS

I have no real connection to this team, but have always admired them for their "Moneyball" ways. The A's and the Twins were both playoff competitors much of the earlier parts of the 00's decade, and both had small payrolls. They proved the others wrong, like I felt we did.

But remember--the Twins beat "Moneyball".


8. NEW YORK YANKEES

Many Twins fans, and others, hate the Yankees. Some might be surprised at this placement. Frankly, I'm a baseball fan, and I would be an idiot to ignore the history of this team and the role it has played in baseball.

Furthermore, why to people even despise the Yankees so much? Because they spend a lot of money? They are smart and have used their market as an advantage and have companies that make a ton of money (unlike the Mets). They would be dumb not to use their market and financial opportunities.

 The Yankees have one of the richest and strongest histories in all of  baseball. Babe Ruth? Lou Gehrig? Ignore that if it makes you feel better about yourself, I guess. As someone who hated the Yankees, but came around to thinking they're okay, I can yell you one thing: hating the Yankees is just wasting your god damn breath and life in general.

And if you just want to complain about annoying Yankees fans, um, have you seen Red Sox fans anytime in the past 10 years?

7. PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES

This ranking of the Phillies is almost entirely due to how awesome Phillies fans are. Oh, you don't agree? *Reaches for spare D Batteries*

6. NEW YORK METS

I've often said I considered the Mets an older cousin of the Twins. The Mets were made to replace the loss of the Dodgers (Blue) and Giants (Orange) to New York City National League. The Twins replaced the Twin Cities minor league teams: Minneapolis Millers (formerly a Giants farm team) and the St. Paul Saints (formerly a Dodgers farm team).

Also: "Can't Anyone Here Play This Game?" is my favorite baseball book ever,

5. SEATTLE MARINERS 

Two of my top three ever players were Mariners. So they should go here. 

P.S. Junior + Ichiro forever

P.S.S. And A-Rod.

4. LOS ANGELES DODGERS

Vin Scully.

3. MIAMI MARLINS 

What a lovely little low-budget team that can win two World Series-es out of nowhere? Family connections to this team, I love them. The Dinger Machine is also probably the greatest ballpark feature of all time. Don't agree? I will fight you. Literally. Come to Liquor Lyle's and tweet me.

2. KANSAS CITY ROYALS

I was born July of 1985. My aunt, as long as I will always remember, wore a Kansas City World Series pennant around her neck. Her husband got a ring for scouting, she got the necklace. I will always love this team until the day I die.

1. MINNESOTA TWINS 

Baseball has eternal hope. I want to see the Twins win the World Series again, but if I don't, that's okay. I'm so lucky, I've seen it twice, and even better, as a small child who could never imagine anything else. Can you watch Hrbek's Grand Slam or Kirby's Home Run without crying? Because I can't. I mean, crap. I think I'm gonna start crying right now...


7 comments:

  1. First person who tells me the missing team.

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  2. This is great. You have some pretty good reasoning IMO. Also, I love your mascot musings.

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  3. GIANTS. THANK YOU. You can stick them in there between the Red Sox and the Cardinals.

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  4. This list was hilarious. Any sources for alleged racism by Chicago Cubs fans?

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    1. Not a link or anything. I remember an audio interview (I think after a game) with Jacque Jones and they asked him if he thought Cubs fans were racist, and he just sat there, said nothing, and stared at them (get the point across without being quote-able).

      I do actually like all teams. This list is more of a who I like least to most.

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