Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Marlins Dinger Machine Alarm Clock: I Need This

Two World Baseball Classic games were played at Marlins Stadium yesterday, which inevitably brought up the subject of the greatest thing the Marlins franchise has ever given baseball.

The Dinger Machine.

Look at this monstrosity. Can you even remember your first thoughts upon seeing this thing? I can't, because they weren't even intelligible words.

So of course, fartin' around on Twitter during the Italy versus Dominican Republic game, the machine came up.

And I did, yesterday, send an e-mail to the Marlins (Note: You can contact any team by going to their website, scrolling to the bottom, and clicking "CONTACT US". I've contacted various teams for various [always important] reasons via this method).

I was wondering if a mini-replica of the Dinger Machine (featuring the fish and things in right field [sic]) that functioned as an alarm clock was available or would be available in the future.  
M**** *****
612*** ****
*****. *****

And just a day later, I got this reply:

Hello M****,

Thank you for writing. We do not have a mini-replica of our Home Run Feature in centerfield but it is a good idea. I will pass on your email to our Marketing Department.
John-Albert Rodriguez
Manager, Season Ticket Services
Miami Marlins, L.P.
Office: 305-***-****  


I wanted to write back and suggest the clock also spray water a la the real thing, but I was afraid the Marlins worker would start to think I was not absolutely serious about my need for one of these alarm clocks. If we can make baby dolls that poop, I don't see why we can't make a little refillable reservoir of water in a Dinger Machine alarm clock that spins and sprays water at whatever time you need to wake up.

If you would be interested in a Dinger Machine Alarm Clock, please go to the Miami Marlins Contact Us site and contact them about it. (Remember to tell them about the spraying water thing!)

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Finding What I Lost

I was living in Manhattan when Kirby Puckett died on March 6, 2006. And I remember the first time I ran into a Minnesotan after that. It was obvious--to both of us.

"Oh Kirby! People don't understand..."

I was born and raised in Minneapolis in 1985. The Twins winning the World Series in '87 and '91--and more importantly, Kirby Puckett--comprise many of the first and favorite memories. Kirby Puckett was beloved as he is by Minnesotans long before 1991. That's part of what made his performance so special.

I can specifically remember running to my Dad's dressing room the morning after game 6. I remember my Dad telling me, excitedly, while he tied his tie and such, what Kirby Puckett had done. He told me if the Twins won the World Series that night, he would buy us hats. And he did.

Seven years ago I sat down at my computer in my little shared studio in soho Manhattan. It was a Sunday. I saw a news headline for "Baseball HOFer Suffers Massive Stroke". I was curious. I clicked. I felt like I got socked in the stomach.

I wore my baby-blue Kirby Puckett jersey (the most expensive piece of clothing I owned at the time) to school and work Monday. Kirby was taken off life support Monday night. So of course I never took the jersey off.

Kirby's passing was a front page headline by Tuesday. Took a whole subway sized NY Post cover. I remember walking into work that morning, after seeing the NY Post newspapers on the subway, and my loud-mouth supervisor asking, "Hey! Did you just buy that jersey because he died?"

This was 8:30 am in the morning. In the middle of Manhattan. In 2006. And I was wearing a Hall of Fame replica Minnesota Twins Kirby Puckett jersey--that had been wearing for two days.

I kind of stood there and stared at her for a moment. Then I replied.

"No. Kirby Puckett was my hero."

Rest in Peace
Kirby Puckett

Please add your own thoughts and memories of KIRBBBBBBBBBBBBBYY PUCKETT!!